Christmas at the Castle
by Special Agent FUNK
Summary: Ramon Salazar decides to throw a party in order to celebrate Christmas, but before anyone can come, they must first prove they are worthy enough to party with him. - Complete/discontinued.


It's time for the second annual Christmas special (the first is chappie 12 of Meine Freunde). Two-shot.

**Warnings;** Minor crack, minor violence, Salazar. (I think Salazar counts as a warning…)  
This revolves around my favorite characters and monsters. Set after _RE4_, where Wesker is still _sane_.  
Minor OC-alert, because HUNK brings his girlfriend, the Merchant's daughter, Joey Merchant. No major role for her, though.

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**Roses are red and violets are blue,  
I do not own Resident Evil, so you better not sue.**  
…

**ENJOY! :D  
**_I hope…_

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Ramon Salazar had decided to host a Christmas party. And, rather than inviting his actual friends, he decided to invite everyone he had met in the past few months, and all of those people were allowed to bring their own friends. The fact that most of those people were his enemies didn't really matter to the little midget. All he wanted was peace and happiness, and therefore, a Christmas party had been organized.

There was, however, one catch. Everyone that wanted to come to the party, had to prove themselves worthy first… Because there was no way that Ramon Salazar, heir to whatever throne he had in mind for himself, would just mingle with anyone. No, they obviously had to be worthy of his presence.

_Now, let's see if they are._

=== **Chris Redfield** ===

With an annoyed sigh, Chris grabbed his handgun again and aimed it at the strange creature in front of him. He had tried to kill it several times already, but no matter what he did, the creature simply refused to die.

Even after shooting its head off, which usually solved all of Chris' problems, the creature still didn't stop walking towards him. Instead, its head just grew back, and before Chris knew it, it was grinning at him again.

"What a stupid idea to come here," he muttered to himself while cursing the fact he hadn't thought of bringing a shotgun. "You're invited to a party, but in order to get in, you have to prove yourself? Seriously? Must be a damn bad host, if you ask me."

The creature didn't say anything back, but just sighed at Chris' comment. It was, after all, all it could do in the first place.

"Also," Chris wasn't done yet, he enjoyed complaining when nobody was listening, "why are you grey? Who would make a monster grey? It's so… boring, you know? Depressing. You look positively depressing, which is actually a negative thing."

The creature, a Regenerator as you should've guessed by now, didn't care much. It just continued trying to kill Chris Redfield, and perhaps we should just let them fight it out. No use in staying and watching, seeing as it would probably take a bit longer than you might've expected.

=== **Luis Sera and Leon S. Kennedy** ===

"I hate them." Leon was kicking a bug-like creature that had attacked him from behind. "I hate them, but their eyes are worth money."

Luis stared at the former police officer as he killed the Novistador, and raised an eyebrow. "Who on earth would steal their victim's eyes? Have you lost it completely, amigo?"

"I lost it years ago, no use in discussing that now." He glanced at Luis as he grabbed the bug's eye and smirked. "It's a red one, the red ones are worth more than the green ones, though the blue eyes are worth the most. One time, during the Ganado-incident, I found three blue eyes in one hour! It was quite the catch!"

"Whatever." Luis saw two more bugs approaching and pointed them out to Leon. "Well amigo, if you want more eyes, go ahead, knock yourself out."

Leon grabbed his TMP and scratched his throat. "Uh, aren't you going to help me with that?"

Luis appeared to think for a moment and then grabbed his left hip, a look of pain washing over his face. "No can do, amigo. Remember the cabin siege? When we were sandwiched between hordes of Ganados? Well… You shot me back then."

Leon nodded as he remembered the cabin siege. He had wanted to help Luis, and he had aimed his shotgun at the Ganado that was strangling the Spaniard, but his aim had been off and… well, Luis had almost been history.

"It still hurts, man."

Leon shrugged and started to kill the two Novistadors that had popped up a few seconds earlier. "Well, if you put it that way…"

=== **Nemesis** ===

Five Garradors. The best tyrant in the history of Resident Evil had ran into a total of five Garradors at the same time. The Garradors, though visually impaired due to their eyes being stitched close, didn't have a lot of problems locating the ugly giant because he was awfully loud and constantly running all over the place.

However, Nemesis wasn't too impressed with the emo-versions of Ganados, and he had already disposed of three of them with his infinite launcher. Just as he was about to aim his launcher at the fourth, he heard a voice he had thought he would never hear again.

"Barry, come on, I don't have all day!" Nemesis heard the voice again, it sounded impatient.

"I am on my way, just… Get this thing off me, it's getting on my nerves!" A male voice was added to the female voice, and Nemesis recognized this one too, even though he had never met that particular man.

"Ugh." A loud 'pop' was heard. "Here you go, Barry, now hurry, I want to know if Chris is okay, he always gets in trouble when he goes to parties!"

Chris… That name, it rang a bell. Nemesis had heard that name before, just like the lady's voice, and the male's voice. All of those things, they rang a bell…

While dodging a Garrador, Nemesis finally realized why those things rang a bell. He smirked, or at least made an attempt to do so, and turned around, leaving the two remaining Garradors to fight each other.

"S.T.A.R.S… RAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

=== **HUNK and Joey Merchant** ===

While normally HUNK's girlfriend would keep talking on and on until he shut her up with a glare or duct tape, she was rather quiet on the way through Salazar's castle. Though that might've been because she had a throat infection and therefore lost her voice, because her mouth did keep moving.

HUNK smirked to himself. Best illness ever.

Just as he was about to rest easy and just continue his way through the castle as if the invitation had not said anything about 'proving himself', he heard a roaring noise behind him. He turned around and grabbed Joey by the arm, making sure she wouldn't stray off and get decapitated by their incoming attacker.

"Dr. Salvador?" HUNK sighed, raising an eyebrow. "Seriously? In order to prove myself, I have to kill a doctor with a chainsaw? I am Human Unit Never Killed, I've lived through worse."

He felt Joey tug his arm and noticed her heavy breathing. "What is it, Jo? Oh, another one?"

Joey's mouth moved, but nothing came out.

"We'll be fine, don't worry." HUNK grabbed his TMP and fired a full clip at the first Dr. Salvador that was headed their way. When he noticed he had stunned the man, he quickly ran up to him, stepped to the side and broke the doctor's neck.

Joey rolled her eyes at the sight of her lover showing off and aimed her magnum at the second Salvador that was getting a bit too close for comfort. She aimed, pulled the trigger and frowned at the recoil. Then she noticed she had missed.

Shrugging, she ran towards HUNK and tried to yell something, but to avail.

HUNK snickered. "You still have bad aim." He stood in front of his lady, aimed his TMP and emptied his weapon once again. He ran towards the stunned doctor, kicked him into a wall and drove his knife through the doctor's eye. "Hnnn, knifes… I wonder how I ever did without them."

He turned back to his woman and noticed she had pulled out a notepad and a pen. He shrugged, so she would still be able to communicate? Fine by him, she would never be able to write as fast as she could talk. "What is it?"

Joey held up a note. '_That was a doctor?'_

HUNK nodded. "That's what they say."

Joey started to scribble something down again._ 'Before killing him, couldn't you have at least asked for some cough syrup?' _

=== **Albert Wesker** ===

Wesker's eyes widened at the sight of his 'enemy to prove his worth against'. "Seriously?" He asked.

His enemy shrugged.

Wesker leaned against the wall behind him and took his sunglasses off. He placed them in a pocket in his jacket and casually slid off the jacket before neatly placing it on the ground. "So, killing you will grant me access to some stupid Christmas party, hosted by a midget that thinks I might not be worth his presence?"

His enemy nodded.

"And on top of that, you are willing to fight me for it, despite the fact you do not work for him?"

His enemy nodded once again, this time with a smile from ear to ear.

"Have you lost it completely?"

"No, I have not… Listen sir, it's really simple. I volunteered because I have been aching to test my strength against you ever since we met. I will not kill you, not after all you've done for me, but… I do wish to hurt you, just for the sake of hurting Albert Wesker, and seeing what I am truly capable of."

Wesker flashed his opponent a grin and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I suppose this could turn out to be… interesting." He threw his magnum and handgun on the floor and kicked them towards where his jacket was. "Bring it on…"

"Oh, I will… Witness the POWER!"

What ensued was one of the most epic battles in history. There were no guns involved, only knifes and limbs, and teeth on one or two occasions. The two men moved around so fast, it was at some points hard to follow what exactly was going on. It was like one big cloud filled with arms, legs, teeth and a mutated blade that was at one point an arm.

Neither one came out completely unharmed. After fighting for about twenty minutes, Wesker blocked a punch and kicked Krauser into a wall, where the man left a beautiful imprint of his body. "Jack, listen."

"What." Krauser grabbed his dislocated shoulder and jerked it back into place.

"I did not know fighting like this felt so… satisfying." Wesker's eyes narrowed as he wiped a bit of blood off his arm. "I think, perhaps, there is no need to kill you… Instead, I think you should come back to work for me, and together, we can train to become even better."

"You mean like sparring?"

Wesker nodded. "Well? What do you say?"

"I think I'd like that…" Jack smirked and scratched the back of his head. "I'm in."

"Lovely." Wesker put his jacket back on, placed the sunglasses in front of his eyes again and put the guns back in his holster. "Now let's see what the midget has been planning…"

And together, the two men made their way to the party.

=== **Salazar's Throne Room** ===

Everyone that had made it through the battles was gathered in the throne room. Villains and good guys were waiting together to see what would happen next. Everyone appeared to have survived, but there was one man missing… The man that had been in the first battle. Instead of him, a very fat regenerator was standing around.

Jill noticed who was missing and thought the regenerator looked a bit funny. Slowly but surely, so Nemesis wouldn't notice her, she walked towards the grinning creature and started to tickle it crazy.

The regenerator started to squirm, making sounds that resembled a very gross form of laughter, and it ended up gagging. A few seconds later, it started to spit, and out came Chris Redfield, fully intact and breathing, just covered with a bit of slime.

Jill grinned and rolled her eyes. "Chris, finally… I've been meaning to ask you, what do you want for Christmas?"

Chris didn't even have to think about that one. "A t-shirt that says 'I survived being eaten by a regenerator'."

Jill nodded. "Fair enough. Good to see you again, partner." She stepped back when Chris wanted to hug her. "Ugh, get cleaned up first."

Suddenly everyone fell silent as Salazar entered the throne room, accompanied by Mendez and Saddler. Salazar's eyes widened at the sight of who had managed to come out of their fights unharmed. He turned to Mendez. "Who are they? I don't even know most of them!"

Mendez, who had the same psychic powers as Luis, glanced at the crowd and started listing the people. "Mr. Merchant, Wesker, Krauser, HUNK, Joey Merchant, Chris Redfield, Barry Burton, Jill Valentine, Nemesis, Luis Sera, Leon Kennedy, William Birkin, Ashley Graham, Claire Redfield, Joseph Frost, Alfred and Alexia Ashford, a licker, a hunter and for some reason, the fully mutated form of Steve Burnside." Mendez then pointed at Saddler. "That's Osmund Saddler, a sarcastic bastard, and I am Bitores Mendez, the village idiot, er, I mean chief."

Salazar nodded, but there was one person he still didn't know. "And that?" He stared at the person. "Hey you, with the awful hair, who are you?"

"Me?" The person pointed at himself. "I'm Goku, I'm looking for the dragonballs!"

Saddler grunted and spoke up for the first time in three weeks. "Our dragons have no balls, remove yourself this instant!"

With a cheery smile on his face, Goku nodded and pressed two fingers to his forehead. As sudden as he had popped up, he disappeared again.

Wesker pushed Krauser and nodded at where Goku had been. "We gotta learn that too."

Krauser nodded. "I'll kidnap him someday…" He turned back to Salazar. "But first, we must party!"

Salazar regained his composure and grinned at the crowd. "Well, since you have all shown me you are worthy of my presence, let us go to the big hall and party like there is no tomorrow." He pointed at the door. "Enjoy!"

And that they did… But you will hear about it in the next chapter.

**To be continued.**

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I hope you like it so far. Reviews blabla, flamers blabla, garradors blabla.

**Part 2, the actual party chapter, will be up around Thursday or Friday. :)**

Have a good week!  
- Freezing Unit Never Killed. (Gotta love snow, though.)


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